


you'll never be at my burial

by orphan_account



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Existential Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Immortality, Lars Barriga has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Lars Barriga is Half-Blind, Pink Lars Barriga, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 13:41:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21209465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: One late night, Lars begins to worry about everything, but lucky for him, Steven is there to comfort him.





	you'll never be at my burial

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to try something new: A one shot! I haven't really done these before and they seem cool, so i hope you like it!

It was late one night out on the dock where Steven was walking. He just wanted a calm night to look at the stars and escape everything that had happened recently. He sat near the edge and didn't notice himself begin to slip off in his relaxed mind. He noticed he had fallen once it was too late but before he reached the water he saw a flash and felt something grab him. Opening his eyes, he saw Lars, standing with shaking legs.

On the water.

"God, don't scare me like that," Lars muttered, reaching up to place him on the dock. Steven, though confused, didn't say anything until Lars got on the dock himself. Curious, Steven asked a simple question, "How did I scare you? How did you even know?" to which Lars responded with a sour, thoughtful face as though he wished something wasn't as it was, which he did.

Taking a deep breath, Lars said, "I can feel when you're in danger. I usually just ignore it, but I was already worked up, and I just learned how to portal, so I-" It took Steven a moment to register that, but when he did he interrupted him. He asked why he was worked up beforehand, to which Lars just sighed. "I don't like this new, 'Hey Lars your feelings are okay, so tell me everything' thing." Before going silent once again. It stayed that way for a good while. Quiet with only the sounds of birds in the background. The crashing of waves filled their ears before a quiet sniffling could be heard.

"Lars?" Steven asked quietly. "Hey, are you okay?" Lars just ignored him, not quite crying but his eyes were definitely watering. "Am- Am I okay? Steven, are you okay? I'm getting worked up over nothing, you've been through more anywa-"

"I'm not the one who died, Lars."

That seemed to do it. Lars just kind of stared at the ground with this resigned look on his face. After a moment, the silence was broken. "You don't just bring that up like it's nothing," he said, quieting down again. 

Oh. OH. That's what this is about.

"Should I call the Off Colors?" He asked, sympathetically. After a moment of consideration, Lars shook his head. Steven, although shocked, just nodded and hummed in recognition. "So, why were you worked up? I'm sorry for asking again, but you just seem like you need some help." Lars sighed before giving in. What's the harm anyways?

"I was just trying out sleep again, but then I remembered it," Lars mumbled, his hand moving to his now white eye. 

"It?" Steven asked. "You'll have to be more specific-" "What do you think 'it' means?!" Lars snapped. "Gah, sorry, still trying to get over that." he laughed quietly. Steven nodded understandingly. "When this-" Lars gestured to his hair and skin "-happened. The... incident." After Steven didn't say anything, Lars continued. "I just experienced it again, okay?? I knew it wasn't but it just felt so..." Lars looked for the right word.

"Real?" Steven pitched in. "Yeah. Real." Lars shuddered. The thinking about it disturbed him. "It got me thinking about... stuff."

Steven turned his head. "What kind of stuff?" He prompted. Lars paused, looking away, and mumbling something. "What was that?" Steven asked. Lars repeated it louder. "It's been two years and I haven't changed at all, Steven. I'm getting worried. My hair hasn't grown, I haven't grown, what if I just- stay this way forever?" he snapped. Steven, with shocked eyes, just rubbed the back of his head. "I don't want to watch my parents die, I don't want to see you die, and I don't- I don't want to see Sadie die, okay? I'm scared Steven. I thought I was done but I'm scared," Lars said, starting to really tear up now. 

"Lars, I know the future doesn't seem bright right now, but what will come will come. You need to understand that-" Steven was cut off. "I've been trying to get better for so long and look at me! This is proof that I haven't changed. I've waited for the future for so long, and while you're in your little bright world, I'm just alone here. I'm trying to be a better person but I still haven't adjusted to Earth yet. I'm-I'm not ready for any of this, Steven. I'm worried that I won't change physically, sure, but what if I don't mature either? I'm four years older than you and I'm acting four years younger, for Christ's sake!" Lars finished, panting by the time he was done ranting. 

After some quiet, Steven spoke up. "Lars, I know that things have been hard, but you'll always have the Off Colors and I'll be here until I'm not. You don't have to think so far ahead, I've got plenty of time left," he said. "So does Sadie." Lars took in this information, taking deep breaths. "So everything's gonna be okay?"

"Not necessarily, but they can be as good as you make them. You've changed so much. You should be proud of that instead of disappointed that you're not better. No one's perfect," Steven said, looking at Lars. He was starting to piece everything together now. The cockiness, the anger, they were all results of emotion that Lars had bottled up too long, but they will stay stuck inside no longer.

Lars was no longer a prisoner to his mind.


End file.
